22 KiB
Marketing Voice v2 — Distillation Proposal
Proposed copy changes across the site, measured against marketing-voice.md. Nothing applied yet — review, redline, then I'll commit the survivors.
The aim: cut hedges, kill restated headings, collapse repetition across pages, and replace abstract phrasing with concrete nouns. Where two sentences carry one idea, one sentence wins.
1. Cross-site naming
"1:1" still appears in 6+ places
We already changed the FAQ heading on the dog-walking page. The phrase still lives in navigation, footer, mega menu, decision blocks, FAQs, and SEO metadata. It's calendar-speak — customers say "solo" or "one-on-one".
| Location | Current | Proposed |
|---|---|---|
homepage.ts mobileLinks |
1:1 Walks |
Solo Walks |
homepage.ts megaMenuServices |
1:1 Walks / Personalised solo walks |
Solo Walks / One dog. One walker. |
homepage.ts services[1] |
1:1 Walks |
Solo Walks |
homepage.ts testimonials.service |
1:1 Walk |
Solo Walk |
homepage.ts booking.serviceOptions |
1:1 Walks |
Solo Walks |
homepage.ts footer.navigationLinks |
1:1 Walks |
Solo Walks |
pack-walks.ts paragraphs[4] |
our 1:1 walks are the better fit |
our solo walks are the better fit |
dog-walking.ts hero.eyebrow |
1:1 Walks |
Solo Walks |
dog-walking.ts decision.title |
Is a 1:1 walk right for your dog? |
Is a solo walk right for your dog? |
dog-walking.ts FAQ |
1:1 walks start from... |
Solo walks start from... |
Open question: keep 1:1 in SEO <title> / description if it carries search volume, or sweep that too? I'd keep it on llms.txt and meta titles where the keyword has weight, drop it in body copy.
2. Homepage (homepage.ts)
Hero subtitle — already tight, leave it.
✅ Current: "Reliable dog walking across Auckland Central. Happier dogs. Quieter evenings." Keep.
Intro
Current: "Professional dog walking services across Auckland."
Proposal: "Dog walking across Auckland Central."
Why: "Professional services" is filler — readers already assume it. The location is the real specificity; drop "Auckland", say "Auckland Central" since that's where we actually are.
Founder story body
Current:
"Most companies sell walks. We sell a calmer evening at home." "Same walker. Small groups. Real attention. Your dog learns to trust one face at the door — not a rotating roster." "You know who has your dog. Your dog knows who is collecting them. And you come home to a tired, happy one. Ready to"
Proposal — line 3 is doing two jobs and stumbles into the CTA:
"Most companies sell walks. We sell a calmer evening at home." "Same walker. Small groups. Real attention. Your dog learns one face at the door, not a rotating roster." "You know who has your dog. They know who's at the door. You come home to a tired, happy one. Ready to"
Reasons: kill "trust one face" (abstract + redundant with later "tired, happy one"), trim "to trust" (we just said we sell trust). Contraction on "they know who's" makes it sound spoken.
How it works — phase benefits
The "benefit" line under each phase is doing the job of the title. Right now both compete.
| Phase | Current title + benefit | Proposal |
|---|---|---|
| Meet | No pressure, just clarity + A proper Meet & Greet at home |
Drop the benefit subtitle. Title carries enough. |
| Settle | A smoother start for nervous dogs + Your dog settles in. No rushing. |
Drop benefit subtitle. |
| Thrive | The outcome you actually want + Then the routine does the work |
Drop benefit subtitle — it's meta-commentary. |
Alternative if benefit subtitles are structural: rewrite as deliverables, not vibes. Free, 30 mins, your home / Two walks before regulars / Photo updates, every walk.
Values
Current titles read OK. Bodies have a few hedges to fix:
"4 to 8 dogs. Always. Calm, structured walks with real attention for every dog."→"4 to 8 dogs. Always. Calm walks, real attention."(drop "for every dog" — implied)"Pet first aid certified. Careful screening. Proactive handling. Not extras — the baseline."→ keep, but "proactive handling" is fluff. →"Pet first aid certified. Careful screening. Not extras — the baseline.""You should not have to chase your dog walker. Consistent pickup. Clear communication. Nothing to manage."→"You shouldn't have to chase a dog walker. Same pickup time. Clear updates. Nothing to manage."(contraction, "consistent pickup" → "same pickup time")
Booking subtitles
Current generalSubtitle: "A few details. We reply properly within 24 hours."
"Properly" is a hedge that sounds defensive. Drop it.
→ "A few details. We reply within 24 hours."
Locations & Hours intro
Current: "We cover most of Auckland Central's suburbs:"
Proposal: "We cover Auckland Central:"
"Most of" is a hedge that undercuts the long list of suburbs immediately below.
3. Pack Walks (pack-walks.ts)
Hero — 5 paragraphs is too many
The hero currently delivers: who it's for, how it works, walk length, coverage, who it isn't for. Five paragraphs. Most heroes earn their keep in 2-3. The "who it isn't for" line belongs in the decision block (and it's already there).
Proposal — collapse to three paragraphs:
"Tiny Gang is built for small and medium dogs who like the right kind of company. 4 to 8 dogs, matched on size and energy."
"Free Meet & Greet at home, then two assessment walks. Regular slot only once we know the fit is right."
"60 to 75 minutes on the ground. We rotate Western Springs, Fowlds Park, Cornwall Park, Grey Lynn Park, and Oakley Creek — picked on the day for weather and group."
Coverage line moves down to the Highlight or Pricing block where it does work. The "if your dog isn't a fit" line lives in the decision block — no need to preview it here.
Pricing intro
Current: "Right amount of exercise. Right amount of social time. Same walker every week."
Proposal: "Right exercise. Right social time. Same walker every week." Cut the repeated "amount of". Reads faster.
Pricing plan features
The features hedge with "Best for…" which sounds product-y. Rewrite as straight facts:
| Plan | Current 4th feature | Proposal |
|---|---|---|
| 1 Walk Per Week | Best for dogs starting out |
Good for dogs starting out (or drop) |
| 2-3 Walks Per Week | Best fit for busy owners |
Most popular routine (matches popular: true flag) |
| 4-5 Walks Per Week | Best for high-energy social dogs |
For high-energy social dogs |
| Casual Pack Walk | Higher rate than weekly routines |
Drop — price already shows it |
Benefits intro
Current: "Small groups. Compatible dogs. No chaos. That is why it works."
Proposal: "Small groups. Compatible dogs. No chaos. That's why it works." Contraction. (Same pattern repeats elsewhere — see § 6.)
Benefit titles — abstract vs concrete
"No overwhelming dynamics"→"No bigger dogs to dodge"(concrete)"A routine you can rely on"→"A weekly routine that sticks"(matches highlight block phrasing already used on the same page)"Real individual attention"→"Eyes on every dog""Safety, built in"→"Safer than a one-size pack"
Booking dogIntro
Current: "Tell us about your dog. Where you are. Anything we should know. We will come back about whether Tiny Gang is the right fit."
Proposal: "Tell us about your dog. Where you are. Anything we should know. We'll come back about the fit." Contraction, drop "whether Tiny Gang is the right" (implied from page).
4. Solo Walks (dog-walking.ts)
Hero — five paragraphs again, same pattern
Current paragraphs 1-5 cover: who it's for, the dog types, walk length, coverage, honesty-at-Meet-&-Greet. Same compression opportunity.
Proposal — three paragraphs:
"Built for dogs who do better one-on-one. Their pace. Their walk. Same walker every time."
"Reactive on the lead. Recovering from surgery. A senior who needs it slower. An anxious rescue still finding their feet. These are the dogs solo walks are for."
"30 minutes for seniors or lower energy. 45 for most. 60 for dogs who want a longer outing. Door-to-door, photo update after every walk."
The "honesty at Meet & Greet" sentence is already said on every other page — it's a brand-wide promise, not a hero claim.
Highlight points
"For larger or more sensitive dogs"body:"When your dog needs more space, more clarity, or more attention — this gives us room to do it properly."→"For dogs who need more space, clarity, or attention. We have room to give it."(drop "When your dog needs" → just state who it's for)
Pricing intro
Current: "Shaped around your dog, not a group schedule. For dogs who need extra attention, a steadier pace, or a more personal routine."
Proposal: "Shaped around your dog. For dogs who need extra attention, a steadier pace, or more personal time." Cuts "not a group schedule" (over-explained by context), trims "more personal routine" → "more personal time" (concrete).
Pricing plan features
Same pattern as pack-walks. Drop hedging "Best for…" labels or rewrite as facts.
| Plan | Current 4th feature | Proposal |
|---|---|---|
| 30 Min | Good fit for lower-energy dogs |
For seniors and lower-energy dogs |
| 45 Min | Best fit for many routines |
Most popular length |
| 60 Min | Best for dogs needing a fuller outing |
For dogs who want a longer outing |
Pricing scarcityNote
Current: "A limited number of 1:1 slots are available each week."
Proposal: "Solo slots are limited each week." Active, shorter, no passive "are available".
Benefits intro
Current: "More space. Steadier handling. A pace that fits. The whole week feels easier."
Already strong. Keep.
Benefit titles
"Full attention. No competition."— keep. Strong."The walk matches their pace"→"A walk at their pace"(more direct)"Room to relax"body has 21 words and ends in "without group pressure" — third time the page implies group pressure. Compress:"Without group pressure, anxious dogs move through the world more easily.""A routine built around you both"body:"1:1 gives us flexibility to build a routine that works for your dog and your week."→"We shape the routine around your dog and your week."(drop "1:1 gives us flexibility" — meta-framing, redundant)
Booking dogIntro
Current: "Tell us about your dog. Where you are. Anything we should know. We will come back about the right fit."
Proposal: "Tell us about your dog. Where you are. Anything we should know. We'll come back about the fit." Match pack-walks pattern; contraction.
5. Puppy Visits (puppy-visits.ts)
Hero subtitle
Current: "While you're at work, your puppy is fed, played with, and looked after. At home."
This is the v1 voice-doc's chosen example. Keep.
Hero paragraphs
Currently four. Paragraph 3 is the strongest (the growth-plates / vet rationale) and is buried. Reorder + tighten:
Proposal:
"A visit means a toilet break, fresh water, a feed if scheduled, play, and calm settling time before we leave. Photo update lands in your phone."
"Short visits beat long walks while your puppy is growing. Vets recommend low-impact exercise until growth plates settle — usually 12 to 18 months. Visits give them company and stimulation without the joint stress."
"Visits are also where Goodwalk usually starts. We know your puppy early, so the move to solo walks or Tiny Gang later is smooth."
Coverage line ("Across Auckland Central — Mt Eden, Ponsonby...") goes to the chip / FAQ. Three paragraphs, clearer order: what happens → why it's right for puppies → where it leads.
Highlight title
Current: "Calm routines now. A smoother Tiny Gang later."
Already nice. Keep.
Decision footnote
Current: "Free Meet & Greet first. Always."
Already nice. Keep.
Pricing intro
Current: "Built around your puppy. Real support now. Foundations for later, if Tiny Gang is the right fit."
Proposal: "Built around your puppy. Real support now. Foundations for whatever comes next." "If Tiny Gang is the right fit" hedges and over-explains. The "whatever comes next" implies the same thing without conditional language.
Plan features — same hedge pattern
| Plan | Current 4th feature | Proposal |
|---|---|---|
| 20 Min | Good for shorter midday support |
For shorter midday support |
| 45 Min | Best fit for many puppies |
Most popular visit length |
| 60 Min | Best for pups needing more time |
For pups who need more time |
scarcityNote
Current: "Puppy Visit spaces are limited so we can keep care consistent."
Proposal: "Puppy Visit spaces are limited." The reason is obvious and over-explained.
Benefits intro
Current: "The puppy stage moves fast. Daytime visits give your puppy support now — and build the routines that make later life easier."
Proposal: "The puppy stage moves fast. Daytime visits help now, and build routines that make later life easier." Drop "give your puppy support" (abstract), use "help now" (concrete verb).
Benefit body fixes
"Foundations for Tiny Gang later"body:"For puppies who may join Tiny Gang one day, early visits build the confidence and routines that make the next step smooth."— TWO hedges in one sentence ("may", "one day"). →"For puppies who'll join Tiny Gang later, early visits build the confidence and routines that make the next step smooth.""Support for busy owners too"body has"during a demanding stage"— vague. →"Real help when puppies are learning fast. Guidance from someone who's been through this stage with dozens of dogs."
FAQ "How long is each visit?"
Current answer says "30 minutes — the sweet spot" but the pricing plan starts at 20 minutes. Inconsistency — fix the FAQ, not the price.
Proposal: "20 minutes for shorter midday support. 45 minutes for most puppies. 60 minutes if your pup needs more time." Matches the pricing plans exactly.
FAQ "Can Puppy Visits lead into Tiny Gang…"
Current: "Exactly what they are designed for. When your puppy is old enough and the right temperament fit, we already know them well. The next step is smooth, not new."
Proposal: "Exactly what they're for. By the time your puppy is old enough, we already know them. The next step is smooth, not new." Contraction, drop "and the right temperament fit" (implied), drop "designed for" (passive-corporate).
Booking dogIntro
Current: "Tell us about your puppy. Where you are. Their routine. Anything we should know — and we will plan the right visit."
Proposal: "Tell us about your puppy. Where you are. Their routine. We'll plan the right visit." Drop "Anything we should know — and we will" (redundant, hedging).
6. About page (about.ts)
"Who we are" section
Current:
"Alessandra started Goodwalk because she could not find a walker she trusted. So she became one." "She walks every dog herself. Posts photos to Instagram so you can see your dog's day. Knows some of the Tiny Gang from ten weeks old." "Thirty-plus five-star Google reviews say the same thing: the dogs adore her, and their owners finally stop worrying."
Line 1 is gold. Keep. Line 2 is fine. Line 3 has "say the same thing" which is filler.
Proposal line 3: "Thirty-plus five-star Google reviews: the dogs adore her, and their owners stop worrying." Drop "say the same thing" and "finally" (mild hedge).
"How we do things"
Current:
"Calm handling. Positive reinforcement. A walker who already knows your dog. Same principles, every walk." "Small packs because attention matters. Free pickup and drop-off because your day should not work around us. First aid certified. Public liability insured. That part is not negotiable."
Line 2 is doing six things at once. Split:
Proposal:
"Calm handling. Positive reinforcement. A walker who already knows your dog. Same principles, every walk." "Small packs because attention matters. Free pickup and drop-off because your day shouldn't work around ours." "First aid certified. Public liability insured. Not negotiable."
Three paragraphs, three jobs. Contraction on "shouldn't".
"Meet the founder" — line 3 (Maya)
Current: "Maya is the reason small dogs sit at the centre of everything. A Cavalier King Charles cross Shih Tzu. Opinionated. Dramatic in the rain. Completely impossible to ignore on a walk — and the best argument we have for building a service around small dogs, not one that just makes room for them."
Strong texture, but ends with a 27-word sentence past the voice budget (max ~24). Split:
Proposal:
"Maya is the reason small dogs sit at the centre of everything. A Cavalier King Charles cross Shih Tzu. Opinionated. Dramatic in the rain. Impossible to ignore on a walk." "She's the best argument we have for a service built around small dogs — not one that just makes room for them."
FAQ "Why do you specialise in small dogs?"
Current: "Small dogs need different pace, different group dynamics, different handling. Goodwalk was built around that — not adapted from a generic dog-walking model."
Proposal: "Small dogs need a different pace, different group dynamics, different handling. We were built around that, not adapted from a generic model." Active voice ("We were built" instead of "Goodwalk was built"), trim "dog-walking" (implied).
FAQ "What suburbs do you cover?"
Current has 16 suburb names listed inline. The map / chips already show them. Compress:
Proposal: "Most of Auckland Central — Ponsonby, Grey Lynn, Mt Eden, Kingsland, Herne Bay, Remuera and surrounds. If you're nearby and unsure, just ask." Cuts the list to the highest-recognition six. The exhaustive list lives on the homepage Locations block and the coverage map.
7. Locations (locations.ts) — sweeping pattern
Every location intro is structured the same way: descriptive lead → "well-suited / natural home / ideal place for…" → Goodwalk services available → free pickup line. Three of these in a row, the pattern shows.
Park descriptions — universal cleanup
The voice doc says "Replace abstract nouns with concrete verbs". Park blurbs lean on adjective-stacks:
"offers wide open paths, panoramic views across Auckland, and a mix of gentle and steeper terrain"→"Wide open paths, panoramic views, gentle and steep terrain."(drop "offers")"Popular with local dog walkers and a staple route for the Tiny Gang"→ keep."A well-used neighbourhood park… with open grass areas and shade trees"→"Neighbourhood park with open grass and shade."
Recommend a pass on all 30+ park descriptions: cut every "offers", "provides", "with X and Y" sentence opener, and every "well-suited / ideal place / natural home".
Intro pattern — propose a template
Right now Mt Eden's intro is 71 words. Most location intros are 50-80 words. Voice doc says "Body sentences: max ~24". Propose a 3-sentence template:
"[Suburb] [one specific thing — geography, vibe, dog density]. [Goodwalk fact — who from here is in the Tiny Gang / what we run here]. Free pickup and drop-off."
Worked example, Mt Eden:
"Mt Eden's volcanic cone, leafy streets, and mix of reserves and quiet paths make it a daily-outing favourite. We run pack walks and solo walks here weekly, with several Tiny Gang regulars based in the suburb. Free pickup and drop-off included."
53 words → still long, but every clause does work. Apply the template to all 17 suburbs in a follow-up pass.
8. Repeated lines across pages
The phrase "Free pickup and drop-off across Auckland Central" (or close variants) appears 14+ times: in hero chips, paragraph 4 of every service hero, FAQ answers, the coverage map, the locations page, and the about page. It's a real selling point — but said this often it stops landing.
Proposal — vary the wording by surface:
- Chip (compact):
"Free pickup & drop-off" - Hero paragraph: usually deletable since the chip is right there. If kept:
"Pickup and drop-off included, across Auckland Central." - FAQ: keep specific — that's where someone is actually checking.
- Footer / coverage block:
"Door-to-door across Auckland Central."
Save the full sentence for places where the suburb list matters.
9. Summary of recurring fixes
If we agree on the principles below, I can sweep these patterns site-wide without you reviewing each one:
- Drop "Best for / Best fit" in pricing features. State who it's for, or drop.
- Contractions ("we'll", "shouldn't", "they're") where the surrounding tone is conversational.
- "1:1" → "Solo" in body copy, navigation, decision blocks. Keep "1:1" in SEO meta/title where keyword volume might matter.
- Cut "properly", "actually", "genuinely", "really" unless the sentence dies without them.
- Cut "we will come back about" → "we'll reply about" / "we'll come back" (less corporate).
- Park descriptions: rewrite the "offers / provides / well-suited / a mix of" sentences as concrete noun phrases.
- Service hero paragraphs: target 3 paragraphs, not 5. Coverage and disqualifier lines move down the page.
- Drop reasons that are already obvious from context — "so we can keep care consistent", "Higher rate than weekly routines", "in your home" after "in-home".
What this changes for the reader
- Faster scan on every service page (3 hero paragraphs instead of 5).
- Consistent terminology between nav, body, and CTAs (no "1:1" / "Solo" / "one-on-one" mix).
- Pricing tables stop sounding like a SaaS comparison grid.
- Location pages stop reading like council brochures.
What it does NOT change
- The brand voice from
marketing-voice.md— this proposal is a stricter application of that voice, not a rewrite of it. - SEO
<title>/meta description/llms.txtkeywords — those remain under a separate review (the "1:1" tradeoff lives there). - Customer testimonials — never edited.
- Service names ("Tiny Gang", "Meet & Greet") — kept verbatim.
Next step: redline this file. Strike the changes you don't want, mark anything that needs different phrasing, and I'll apply the rest in one sweep. Or pick a single section to start with (homepage? service heroes? locations?) so we can validate the voice before going site-wide.